Things *you may or may not know* About JEM – Told from the Perspective of her Fruitcake Roommate (that’s me, if you hadn’t guessed)

(Guest Post 1)

What is this? Endlessly long titles with unnecessary amounts of layers, with a hint of shitty British humour on Writing By JEM? That’s not the usual style! What has happened?! Has the Universe been inverted and JEM as you know it has been transformed into a strange alternate version? No, nothing as such, it is just me Morgarna Madness. I walked through the wrong door and ended up here… So, let’s just make the most of it! With some things you may or may not know about JEM! As told by me, her sarcastic friend with an equally as terrible blog… (check it out here, *self-promotion*, *self-promotion*).

I’m lying obviously, Writing By JEM is not TERRIBLE. It’s actually pretty good, you know that or else it’s unlikely that you’d be here. If you are a regular reading then you may have seen my name crop up a couple of times, the all-nighter, housemates from hell (living with friends), who had made me a writer, etc. If you haven’t, then, JEM HAS MADE SOME PRETTY SLANDEROUS COMMENTS AND I HAVE HIJACKED HER BLOG TO TAKE MY REVENGE…

First off, JEM is mean. Like really mean… with a sword. You put a sword in her hand and you have not only lost your kneecaps, but you’re up against the wall like the revolution has come. Her fighting style is very up in your face. Attack first. Ask questions when you’re on the floor trying to find pieces of your kneecaps…

Her teddy collection can be mistaken for a human. I have done. Buried under her covers they are about the average size of a human, and you have to poke it, like… *nervously* “JEM?”.

When she has her headphones on, you can do anything. Playing her music at a ridiculously loud volume, you can wander into her room and, here some examples I have managed; surprise borrow 90% of the above teddy collection, scare the crap out of her by leaning over and saying “Hi.”, and just generally sneak around whilst wrapped in a blanket because the house is freezing.

She can cook! Cooks mean, mean food. (In both sense of the word). Stew. Amazing. Spaghetti Bolognese. Great. Garlic Bread. Are you trying to kill me with the amount of garlic in this?! Steak. I’ve drank The Solent and The English Channel on more than one occasion and they were less salty than this…

JEM can draw. Her bedroom door is decorated with various things she has drawn. All pretty all neat. And a masterpiece in comparison to the Bio-Hazard sign on the Jeff-Cupboard door and the Demon Trap I crudely drew for Satan’s room. Or the shitty, ‘Occupied/Vacant’ sign on the bathroom door…

Moving on! And last but by no means least, JEM is probably one the nicest people on the planet. If you discount her villainous ways and the various werewolf packs she controls… We get along, pretty well for a Vampire and a Werewolf actually, and I’m not entirely sure where I would be without her constant nagging, (less constant than some though)… actually scratch that I know exactly where I be, in a pit of despair and self-loathing, or just a slightly larger than it is currently pit…

Quick fire summary and round-up! Top-ish Ten Reasons to Follow Writing By JEM:

1. JEM is awesome, just do it for awesome sake.

2. This blog has a galaxy theme, what’s not to like!

3. She owns three Pokémon plushies, and two How to Train Your Dragons ones!

4. This blog has some good shit on it. (Like this post, for example).

5. Posts are now regular! Or at least as regular as missing the occasional Thursday…

6. She’s got mean secretary skills! She official-ed the fuck out of the paper work for the sword fighting society.

7. If you don’t, I will find you… and, I will kill you.

8. The reward is free cake*. (Terms & Conditions and conditions apply.)

9. Her Laptop is called Larry.

10. And, because you would be missing something from your life if you didn’t.

That was all from me, the Fruitcake Rage Cleaning Roommate. For more from me, and my terrible cynical sarcastic British Humour and exceedingly long post titles that serve no actually purpose being as long as they are… check it out here. *self-promotion* *self-promotion*.

– Morgarna Madness

*Terms & Conditions: No physical free cake will be given as a reward for following the blog, Writing By JEM. The cake is entirely relative to one’s own imagination. We provide, in reward to our customers, the notion of free, relative cake.


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